Embrace the Season

Today as the season changes from fall to winter, we prepare to embrace the new weather changes. The new season brings colder weather, multiple layers of clothing, cuddling up with a blanket around the fire, and hibernating inside the warm, cozy house. Just like any other seasonal change at first, we are excited for the new change; however, as the season goes on we tend to get tired and complain wanting a different season. While some of us embrace and appreciate the changes, other prefer the warm weather over the cold weather. The same is true with our spiritual seasons. Seasons that bring joy and comfort are easy to embrace, and we want them to continually occur. However, seasons that bring trials and are difficult tend to be harder to embrace and we want them to be over as quickly as possible. Yet, the seasons the are harder to embrace are the ones we ultimately need to embrace to help us grow. Both types of season are necessary and a part of His divine plan (Ecclesiastes 3:1,4).  This is something that we all, including me, need to continue to work on.

During high school, I never experienced a season that was trying or difficult to the degree that I couldn’t overcome. College changed that. As I am one semester away from graduating I can tell you the last three and half years have been filled with many trials and joys. Freshman year ended in a season of absolute brokenness. At the time this was the hardest thing I had ever experienced in my life. However, working at Camp War Eagle brought me out of this season. I reestablished my relationship with Christ and felt peace (John 14:27) and found freedom from forgiving my past (Ephesians 4:32). This new season brought great joy, and I could feel Christ working through me, mending my heart. Sophomore year started with many new changes in my life: new apartment, new sport, new teammates, and new challenges. This started a season of feeling unprepared and not equipped. Which soon lead to a season of feeling lost. I didn’t feel like I belonged on the track team, I had taken over a year off. The end of my junior year I felt defeated. It felt like no matter how hard I tried and prayed I couldn’t do anything right. My track times were not where they were supposed to be, and I felt frustrated and wanted to give up. Going into my senior year I felt comfortable and prepared for my last year of college athletics. Halfway through the fall semester I entered a new season, the hardest season I’ve come to face, one of anger, grief, and distant feeling. This season is one I didn’t want to embrace, and it wasn’t until I was in the lowest part of this season that I read about learning to embrace the season you are in. This new concept to me, opened my mind and heart to healing and has helped me through this season. While some days this may seem like an easy task, many days I have to remind myself to embrace this season and ask God for guidance.

God changes the season we are in when we start to get comfortable and stop growing. He wants to grow our faith in Him by having us step outside of our comfort zone and rely solely on Him. After I was broken down to my lowest, I learned to trust God and rely on His strength to help me overcome what I could not do by myself (Exodus 15:2). I found freedom in forgiving what I could not control. When I felt unprepared and lost, I was reminded that I am not in control of my life-God has a plan and He will guide to my future (Proverbs 3:5-6). Then when I felt defeated, God reminded me to be patient and, in His timing, everything will come together (Psalm 40:1). To me this season felt like a setback; however, I was reminded that I wasn’t failing- God was just growing me in a new way. Now in my new season, God has shown me I am never alone (Joshua 1:9) and compassion. When I entered this new season, I could only see the negatives and my focus was not aligned with God’s word. However, I was reminded God brought me through what I thought was the hardest time- feeling broken and worthless. If He could bring me through that, He can bring me through this new season as well. While this time was very difficult, He never left my side and brought me out of it prospering. He carefully designs every season as part of your journey. Whether you realize it or not, God is working on something deeper- preparing you for the season that follows. While embracing seems hard at first, pour yourself into this season because it only last for a season and at the end you’ll be able to see how beautiful He made everything with time (Ecclesiastes 3:11).

Lord, we thank you for all seasons. Please help us to embrace the unknown of this new season, letting us grow our faith in You and Your divine plan. Renew my heart with your strength and purpose.

Plan "A", Plan "B", Plan God

In today’s society, we learn from a young age to plan out many aspects of our lives. Whether it be planning our meals for the week, planning our class schedule to graduate on time, pinteresting our dream wedding, planning the age we get married and have kids, and so on. We get so invested on our life following our plan, that we often miss opportunities or lose sight of who we are. I know I am guilty of both. During the fall of my senior year of high school I had decided to continue my athletic career in tennis at Washburn University, thus ending my track career upon graduation. My spring collegiate tennis season started off decent, but as the season progressed my confidence and performance started to decrease. The end of the school year and season were approaching, and my plan was to finish my finals and have my exit meeting with coach on Tuesday, leave for camp on Thursday, and continue playing tennis for Washburn until I graduated. My plan however, was shattered when I went to my exit meeting, and found out I was being cut from the tennis team. This piece of information turned my world completely upside down. I had no other plan, and I was leaving for summer camp in less than forty-eight hours. That’s when I received an email from the head track and field coach at Washburn, asking if I could meet with him. Less than twenty-four hours after being cut from the tennis team I am sitting in his office talking track, and the next thing I know I am signing to run track at Washburn. This was not my plan, track was supposed to be over not tennis.

I was so caught up in my plan of continuing my tennis career, that I didn’t see it was starting to break me down emotionally and mentally. I thought my plan was flawless, but God had other plans for me. He saw I was in a place that caused great frustration and worthlessness, therefore, he removed me from that place and in return took me to a place where I could stop long enough to be still and hear His voice. He took away something that I could never imagine losing but replaced it with something better. I can tell you at the time, I didn’t think getting a track scholarship was “better.” Getting cut from the team made me lose all confidence in myself. I felt like I had failed my coaches back home and parents who spent many hours, money and effort to make my dreams come true of playing tennis collegiately. For the first time in my life I felt like I was giving up on my dream of playing tennis without even trying or looking at playing at another school. I saw myself as a failure who gave up when things got hard, a quitter, a worthless athlete who was throwing away her talent. Overall getting a track scholarship felt like I was settling for something rather than receiving a new opportunity from God. Now, starting my third year of track, I know I didn’t settle, I am not a worthless athlete, and replacing my tennis scholarship for a track scholarship changed my life.

Instead of trying to plan every detail let’s try to be more flexible with our plans. When your world is turned upside down, try to accept the change with an open heart. See where this change takes your life. It may not make any sense at the time or even months after but take heart and be patient. You will have plans and dreams that you wholeheartedly aspire to achieve, but God’s plan and purpose will prevail (Proverbs 19:21). He may be wrecking your plans because He sees they are wrecking you even when you can’t see they are wrecking you. His plan allowed me and can allow you to have the eyes to see His Plan is even better than you could have imagined (John 13:7). The process of changing your perspective and accepting His Plan will take time, it has taken me a great deal of time and it hasn’t been easy. It’s been filled with many highs and lows, step forwards and steps back, but I have come to accept that no matter what I plan it cannot be near as great as what He has planned for me (Jeremiah 29:11).  When my tennis plans were wrecked, I was devastated, and you may feel the same way and that’s okay. At first, we won’t understand why this is happening, but as time goes on we will learn to acknowledge that there is a lot of different paths to travel on. We must trust that His plan is best, and He will direct us on which path is ours (Proverbs 3:5-6). While my journey happens to take place in an athletic setting, God can use any setting to change your plans. When this happens, seek Him and pray to Him.

Lord, we thank you for this new opportunity. Please help us to accept this change with an open heart, patience during the healing process, and guidance on continuing to follow Your magnificent plan.

Finding Jesus

As an athlete at any level, we've all had the good coaches, the mean coaches, and the crazy coaches, etc. And as a coach there are the athletic, lazy, coachable, etc. athletes on the team. However, the ultimate goal of a coach is to find a successful way of showcasing the talent of the athletes on the team. Coaches try to help better their athletes' performance and reach their full potential. Any coach can provide feedback, but a good coach provides constructive feedback and a bad coach provides destructive feedback.The latter is the type of coach that ruins sports, so here is to you:

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 Because of you I lost all confidence in myself as a player and a person, doubting every sporting event. While I knew I wasn't the best on the team, I knew I still played a part in helping the team win. However, your body language of being closed off, absence of communication, and lack of effort made me fear ever making a mistake.

   Because of you I lost the passion for a sport I grew to love. You took away the freedom of playing the game I loved. The freedom of being competitive and enjoying myself while I play. You made me grow hateful towards something that brought many friendships and memories through your lack of leadership and effort towards me and the team.

    Because of you I became broken. You made me question who I was and who I wanted to be. I was an athletic multi-sport high school athlete. I wanted to become a successful collegiate athlete. Instead you made me feel like I was worthless. To you I was just another number on the roster, not a person. That brokenness brought me many sleepless nights of questioning if I had made the right choice.

    

Because of you I am changed. I've had to fight to gain back my confidence in sports and in life. Something I wished I'd never have to do. Instead of becoming the greatest player I can be, I've had to fight to become the player I used to be. I still have days where I feel I'm never going to be good enough. I won't ever look at sports the same. Never did I think one person could break me down as much as you did, and never did I think I would be where I am today.

  

 Because of you my relationship with Jesus has grown immensely. I have started healing, and Jesus is mending my heart. He has shown me, on my good days and even my bad days, I am worthy of His love and grace. I am no longer bound by the chains you, as a coach, put around me. I have found freedom in knowing every season has a purpose. This season may have brought trial and hardship, but it has equipped me for whatever is coming. (Ecclesiastes 3: 1,4)

   Because of you I walked in the darkness and have been covering up my emotional wounds. But now I am not scared of telling my story, and you no longer have power over me. I am here to reveal my trial, journey of faith,  and be a light for others to find healing.  (John 12:46)

     Because of you I know nothing is impossible. You took away what I thought was the most important thing in the world, sports. You shattered my plans. However, God has shown me, He has bigger plans for me than I could even imagine. (Proverbs 3:5)

I want to thank you. It took you breaking me down to my lowest to find out who I truly am, a daughter of Christ. I will never think of sports the same because of you, but I will be able to share the love and grace God provides with others. You restarted my journey of faith, and I am ready to share.